Ever feel like the dating scene is just a minefield and you have your foot right smack on top of one all the time? This is a pretty common feeling, believe me. I mean, if it wasn't there wouldn't be so many tips and tricks for helping you to navigate it. The truth is that most men just make a lot of the same mistakes with women over and over again.
If you've had trouble meeting women or keeping them interested, chances are you're making some of these very same mistakes too. It might start to seem that women only like one kind of guy. The truth is, though, that most women don't really know exactly what they want. They just know what they don't want.
Mistake #1: Being too Macho
Sure a strong male is attractive to a woman, but if she thinks that's all there is to you, you're probably not going to get anywhere. And really, the fact that a guy can carry on an intelligent conversation is a lot more important than how many other guys he can beat up, so keep the bravado to a minimum.
Mistake #2: Trying too Hard
A woman's either going to like you or she's not. Trying too hard and pleading your case isn't going to help you one bit. In fact, it will likely turn off any other woman within earshot as well. Be yourself and move on if she's not interested.
Mistake #3: A Woman Is Not a Possession
There are certainly times when a woman likes to feel supported and protected by her man, but that doesn't mean she'll ever want you to treat her like you own her. It's all too common for men to fall into this trap and it's a sure fire way to cause friction in the relationship.
Mistake #4: Trying to Buy Your Way
While buying a woman a drink is the classic pickup, it actually doesn't work that well for most guys nowadays. Gender roles being what they are today, you're always going to be running the risk that you'll offend a modern woman by trying to pick up the tab for her cocktail. Also, trying to buy her things will often just come off as trying to buy your way into her affections – something that's neither attractive nor necessary.
Mistake #5: Not Listening
With all of the other things you're trying to remember to do and not do when you meet a woman, it can be pretty easy to make the classic mistake of not actually listening to a word she's saying. That can come back to bite you big time, though. First of all, it's usually pretty obvious if your attention is elsewhere. Also, you'll have a much easier time keeping the conversation going (and starting future conversations) if you pay attention to what she's telling you about herself.
Scoring a girl's number is a huge deal in and of itself. But getting her number won't do you much good unless you can do something with it. And that means making that phone call. The first phone call to a girl can be pretty stressful, and there are certainly plenty of ways you can screw it up (believe me - I've done it many times). With a little bit of preparation, though, you'll be able to get through the call just fine.
When to Call
The first thing most guys worry about when they get a girl's number is how long they should wait to call. There are all kinds of theories floating around out there about exactly what the proper waiting time is, but really you should go by the signals the girl was giving you.
Basically, if the girl was playing it cool and hard to get, then you'll probably be better off waiting two or three days to call. If she was friendly and open, on the other hand, calling the next day is fine. Probably shoot for some time in the evening when most people are home from work but not too late that it seems creepy or weird.
Prepare Yourself
Always, always, always have a clear idea of what you're going to say to a girl before you dial that number. There's nothing worse than finally getting up the nerve to call, only to have your mind go blank the minute she picks up the phone. Take some time to collect your thoughts and come up with a game plan for your call.
Writing down some notes that you can refer to during the call is a good idea – if only because it gives you the peace of mind that you have something to fall back on. Don't write up a whole speech and read off of it though. That's a great way to come off sounding completely awkward.
Be Funny but to the Point
Working humor into your first phone call with a girl can be a huge plus for you. Just be careful not to focus only on being funny. What you really want to accomplish with this phone call is to set up a date and the more you drag out the phone call, the greater potential there is for awkwardness or misunderstandings.
Phone calls definitely serve a purpose, but they have limitations too. You can't see each other's faces or body language during a phone call, and that makes it more likely that something you say could be misinterpreted by a girl who doesn't know you that well yet. Keep your phone call light and easy and get to the point as quickly as possible. Arrange a face to face meeting so that you'll have a better chance of building a rapport.
According to popular wisdom, clubs are the place to go to meet women. After all, what better place to go than a club where groups of women go to hang out with their friends and have a good time? The only problem is that most women don't actually like meeting guys in clubs.
Clubs are loud and there's usually plenty of alcohol involved and both of these are situations that make women distrustful of the men they run into. No matter how nice, polite, well dressed and attractive you are, you're probably still going to have a lot of trouble getting a phone number or striking up a conversation (if for no other reason than you just can't hear each other).
Plus, since clubs are where everyone goes, you're going to run into all kinds of competition. But where do you go to meet women if clubs aren't an option? Actually, there are a lot of good places to try.
Around Town
Just about everywhere you go to run errands can be a good place to meet women. You just have to shift your approach a little. Take the grocery store, for instance. These are generally packed full of women and they're not likely to have their guard up like they would in a traditional social setting.
A quippy line or help reaching something on the top shelf are both great ways to break the ice and ease your way into a conversation. Plus, just presenting yourself as a man who isn't afraid of doing the grocery shopping can be a turn on. The same thing works at the bank or the post office too. You just have to be tuned into any opportunity to start a conversation or get her attention.
Classes
Another great way to meet women is to sign up for a class or book group at a community center. This kind of social setting is perfect for getting to know people because it automatically gives you something to talk about. It also almost guarantees you multiple opportunities to talk to a woman you might be interested in, taking some of the pressure off and making it easier to not come on too strong.
Things like cooking and language classes are especially good options because they can give you an excuse to get together for study or practice sessions outside of class. Just be sure you actually have some interest in the subject being covered in the class. You'll enjoy yourself a lot more and the authenticity of your interest will be obvious.
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Dating is no fun – at least 90% of the time. Figuring out how to meet a woman, how to ask her out, and then how to get through the first date and on to the second can seem like insurmountable hurdles. Especially if you've tripped over these hurdles a few times, you're probably wondering how in the world you'll ever be able to get through these first few challenges and on to the rest of the race.
You can try all kinds of tip and techniques for talking to women. There are certainly plenty of them out there, and a lot of them even work if you can pull them off. But they all really come down to one fundamental thing. And that's building a rapport with a woman when you meet her. If you can do that, you'll be in good shape from the start of the race. That doesn't mean you'll win it, though.
First Impression
Whether we like it or not, the first impression we give a woman will have long-lasting implications. It can even turn them off entirely. That's not to say that a bad first impression can't be overcome. It certainly can, but why start yourself off in a hole if you don't have to?
So how do you make a good first impression? First, you've got to carry yourself with confidence. A self-contained, self-confident man is much more attractive to a woman than a nervous, bumbling one. Of course you may not feel that confidence, but you just have to act like it's there. And the more you act the part, the more you'll really start to feel confident.
Paying Attention
The first impression will only get you so far, though. If you really want to build a rapport with a woman you just met, you're going to have to show her that you can really be attentive. This doesn't just mean listening to what she says. It means making appropriate comments at appropriate times too.
The real secret to building rapport with women is making them feel like you're genuinely interested in what they're saying while also establishing connections between the two of you. Just be careful not to go too far. The last thing you want to seem like you're doing is turning everything they say into something about you.
Body Language
The last key to developing rapport with women is using proper body language. You may be totally unaware of what your body language is saying about you, and that's going to get you into trouble real fast. Try to keep an open position, getting close enough to hint at intimacy without making the woman feel like she's trapped.
